I recently went to see The Order of the Phoenix and was harshly reminded of why it is I never go to movies. Back in the good old days when you saw a movie, what you got was a newsreel and a movie. Maybe you didn’t care about the news but at least it was relevant to the world around you and maybe even important. Not too long ago I remember that the only thing you got before the movie was 100% movie previews. They were annoying but sometimes you would see a cool trailer that you wouldn’t see on TV. It had en ere of uniqueness to it like *you’re in a movie theater so it’s all about movies all the time.* But it was still annoying. Some day I’ll be telling my kids about how great that was. Now when you go to a movie it’s anything goes. You’ll see ads for soda, fast food, deodorant, cars, (and my least favorite), TV shows. In fact in just going to see one movie I saw ads from NBC, ABC, TLC, TBS, and Discovery. So basically you’re getting the exact same shit you’d be getting if you had stayed home. This isn’t TV dammit, it‘s a movie theater! If I can’t buy or experience what I’m seeing on the screen while in the same room then It shouldn’t be bothering me while I’m trying to watch a movie. I didn’t put on a shirt, drive here, and pay money to watch ads I could have ignored at home for free. If only the screen was a little smaller it wouldn’t be worth going to at all. That might be cool. You could go to the bathroom when you wanted without missing anything. There would be no jackass with a laser pointer. You could eat whatever you wanted without spending an entire paycheck on it.
Anyway after watching TV for about 20 minutes the lights went out and an announcement came up on screen telling everyone verbally and visually to turn off their phones. It lingered on screen for an awkward amount of time and then the voice reiterated itself as if saying, “no really, do it you bastards.” Now after the lights and mobile phones went off you’d think it was time for a movie. Well you’d be wrong. It’s actually time for movie trailers. What the hell? More shit?! These must be some pretty special previews if we’re to pay them this much reverence. Wouldn’t want to distract people from what could be their only chance to learn about the sequel to Dumb and Dumberer. Why can’t they just play the crappy pre-movie trivia reel another 27 times?
