And now for something completely the same...

It’s been a while since I’ve played Super Smash Bros. Honestly I haven’t played any since the first one on the 64 system. It was a pretty good game. I’m not that familiar with it’s Gamecube sequal Melee. But I was looking through a Game Pro or something at the book store and happened upon the character lineup for the new Smash Brothers Brawl game. In short, I was extremely underwhelmed. It’s so unoriginal and repetitive. They’re operating within such a narrow spectrum of characters and series’ that I get bored of the game just looking at the characters in a magazine.

Jeez, do you think that’s enough fucking Mario characters?! I thought this was Smash Bros. not Mario Party. Pick two characters. TWO! Get rid of the rest. Actually I think Mario can sit this one out. I’m kind of tired of him.

Samus and Zero Suit Samus? Why are they passing off what is essentially an alternate costume as a separate character? I don’t care how different their skills might be. It’s still the same character.

Lucas is just a watered-down version of Ness. What’s the point? Just use Ness. It’s like if they used Luigi instead of Mario. It’s the same person, the only difference is that nobody likes him.

Why the hell would I use Meta Night when you’re giving me King Dedede?

Who the fuck?

Who’s idea was it to put Sonic and Snake in? They’re good characters, don’t get me wrong. But I don't care who bought the rights to what, they still aren’t Nintendo characters and shouldn’t have even been considered to be in this game. Particularly Snake. That’s like inserting Officer John McClane or Rambo into Disney’s next Pixar movie. Did the Smash Staff just completely forget they have more than three franchises they can draw characters from? Remember Megaman? Remember Castlevania? I guess not. You have to go purchase characters from other consoles and then fill the rest of the roster space with Mario characters. And how cool would it be to go around as Richter or someone, whipping people and burning them with holy water?

First of all, this isn’t anyone you know. It’s just “Pok’emon Trainer.” Secondly, a pok’emon trainer doesn’t fight, (with the exception of those retarded karate dojos), and doesn‘t have any special powers or skills. They release a pok’emon and tell it what to do. I’m imagining this character having about three legitimate attacks: punch, kick, and release pok’emon. If he has any more than that in the game then it’s simply inaccurate.

Yeah, just bring in another primate character from the same game series. No one will get bored or anything. Personally I think DK is the worst character in Smash Bros. He could be easily replaced by the much more nimble Diddy, but are they doing that? No they aren’t. They’re keeping Donkey in as well just to keep with their theme of over-saturating the game with what is, (for all intents and purposes), the same exact thing.