Wave that stupid banner

I’ve been a member of animemusicvideos.org for several years now. Every time I make a new video I post it there. That’s not really what I’m here to talk about though. I’m talking about something smaller. In addition to being able to post music videos you make you can also make little banners that, (if they get enough votes from the rest of the site members), will be displayed above every page on the site. Each page you visit on the site will load a random banner someone made at the top. The banners link to the creator’s profile and give an interesting creative outlet for people that can’t or don’t edit. Sounds kind of cool right? Yeah it would except that about 96% of the banners are completely moronic. Most of them make some kind of reference to "magic" or "dreams" but here’s a nice cross-section of your typical banner. Note: Not all of these were approved but most of them were.

Just one of those sadomasochistic lolita days.

OK, well that explains why the font was used, now tell me about the child pornography.

That‘s rather funny coming from a textbook example of the most commonly used banner formula. (random girl with an irrelevant phrase) It’s like Britney Spears coming up to you and saying “you’ve got problems.”

Uh... no comment.

What the hell, dumbass? That sounds like some emo screen name off of deviantart.

Just thank your lucky stars that gifs don’t do their thing when you post them here or you’d be wanting someone to put out cigarettes in both your eyes right about now.

Gross! What the hell is that thing?! Keep it away from me!

I can’t even read this without cringing. It’s like nails on a chalkboard.

Feel? Feel what? Emotions? A glass of milk? My ass? I need more specifics.

What the fuck does this have to do with making anime music videos?

Well… yeah… I guess that’s true.

I’m fairly certain that whatever deity or dead relative you’re bothering has something more important to do. Like play Guitar Hero.

That’s a funny way of describing an ill-conceived Linkin Park/Dragonball Z music video with subtitles.

Did I miss something? When did this site become some sort of religion?

This banner makes me want to start smoking, digitize myself, upload myself on to the animemusicvideos.org server, light one up, and blow smoke everywhere. Nuts to their no smoking sign!

Even if we still used the politically incorrect term “Oriental” Japan was never actually part of the Orient, so this is just doubly embarrassing.

See, this is what I’m talking about. You should never make banners while on acid. That food might have felt awesome while tripping but no one else is going to get it.

Robert Frost is spinning in his grave.

You know. The two-sided coin. As opposed to the three-sided coin or the much more rare one-sided coin.

On a side-note, I got my eyes appraised and I was told they would sell for a premium on the eye market.

Eragon = Star Wars

This is a long-in-the-making complaint. I was bitching about this to my girlfriend in the theater halfway through the movie. Eragon is just Star Wars with a dragon. No wonder Eragon is so popular, everyone loves Star Wars! I haven’t read the book so it could be completely different from the movie for all I know. Unlikely. I hadn’t seen the movie in so long I thought there was a chance I might have mislabeled it so I watched it again. Well… no I hadn‘t mislabeled it. This is the most shameless cinematic, and possibly literary, rip-off I’ve ever seen. The two movies are so similar I could write one plot summary for both of them and just swap out various nouns and pronouns where needed. Look…


Eragon Exclusive
Star Wars Exclusive
Me being retarded


The movie opens with Princess Arya/Princess Leia smuggling a dragon egg/message or Death Star plans from the evil kingdom/Empire. She manages to hide it successfully but is captured by Ozzy Osbourne/Durza/Darth Vader and interrogated about it’s location. A simple orphan farm boy named Eragon/Luke acquires the egg/message/plans but doesn’t really know what to do with it. One day/night he returns home to find his uncle and aunt murdered by ra’zak/storm troopers who were trying to recover the egg/plans. With his surrogate parental figure(s) dead he decides to leave home forever to ultimately get revenge. He journeys with an old man named Brom/Obi-Wan who actually knows a thing or two about the dragon/message. (Yes, the egg is now a dragon.) Since he was a former Dragon Rider/Jedi Knight he begins to teach Eragon/Luke how to use a sword/lightsaber and how to master magic/the force. While on their journey, the evil kingdom/Empire draws them to their fortress/Death Star. Once there, they are able to rescue the princess but Brom/Obi-Wan ends up being killed by Durza/Vader. After escaping the fortress/Death Star they meet up with Murtagh/Han Solo who says he can take them to the hideout of the Varden/Rebel resistance movement. (O.K. so this is a chronological discrepancy with the two events occurring at opposite ends of their respective movies but it still doesn’t change the fact that it’s the same crap.) The ever-present evil kingdom/Empire tracks them to the hideout and initializes an attack to wipe out the entire resistance movement. At the climax of the battle is an aerial confrontation between Eragon/Luke with his dragon/X-wing and Durza/Vader with his dragon/Tie bomber. (Or was it a Tie fighter?) Durza/Vader is defeated and Eragon/Luke blows up the fortress/Death Star. Oh wait, no he doesn’t. Well there you go, Eragon is legally distinct from Star Wars Episode IV because Eragon didn’t blow up the evil fortress. What an original idea.

Doom 3 FAQ

1. Who turned on the lights?
2. Who turned off the lights?
3. What was that monster doing in that compartment before I came by?
4. Why does the unarmed zombie move like it has cerebral palsy while the zombie with a machine gun moves like a Matrix agent?
5. Why can’t I see what I’m shooting?
6. Why can’t I shoot what I’m seeing?
7. Do I *have* to go in there?
8. Why don’t I help people I find?
9. Why is nothing predictable?
10. Can you give me a break?
11. Who’s laughing at me?
12. Is that a torso?
13. Do we really need this many chainsaws?
14. Is there anything I can touch that doesn’t make something bad happen?
15. Do the spiders stop coming at some point?
16. Am I actually going to meet up with bravo team?
17. Why can’t I always have a security-bot with me?
18. Do these grenades have a special boomerang function or are they just made of rubber?
19. And why do they look like jars of marmalade?
20. Why did everything turn red there for a minute?
21. Who’s attacking me?